Cow Murdering For Fun
It’s unlikely that I’ve mentioned this here, but I have issues with PETA, People for Ethical Treatment of Animals, which of course, is an inaccurate name. It should be People Who Think They Can Read Animals Minds And Know What They Want. Of course, that wouldn’t fit on a t-shirt.
But these people think it’s their God-given mission to keep people from their cheeseburgers and leather jackets — and you’ll get my weathered old A-2 from me only by prying my cold, dead fingers from it — and they make the questionable argument that cows are smarter than wheat. There’s no real proof of that, hell some studies suggest wheat gets more upset when you yell at it than a cow does. And here’s the kicker…
Wheat. Can’t. Run.
Oh and plants never eat each other, while animals do it all of the time. So, based on their actions, I’m sensing animals are down with the whole carnivore thing. In fact, my current standard for irony is a PETA member being eaten by a mountain lion. Of course, your mileage may vary.
So these high-and-mighty moralistic avatars look down on us eating their tofu wrap, driving Toyota hybrids and acting all smug, when in fact they’ve aided and abetted the slaughter of innocent millions of plants. Just so we’re clear about this, PETA is pro-plant genocide…actively discriminating between animals and plants. I don’t know about you, but that strikes me as specieist and probably some form of hate speech. In fact, it might be time to set up a protest march in front of PETA headquarters and pour V8 juice on those going in and out.
So what does this have to with Web development, you might ask? You might also ask "is it really a good idea to write with a bottle of bourbon in your hand like that?" but I digress.
Well, my latest misadventure with Web design, and my new baseball site, FlushingUniversity.com, has left me wanting to go cow hunting with an RPG (rocket-propelled grenade) which is the type of thing PETA members get their oversized cotton panties all in a twist about (and that’s just the male members).
I made the mistake of trying, and buying, a new PHP Web content manager: PHPCow. Let me just warmly endorse it by saying it is as good for Web development and your Web server as pancreatic cancer is for your pancreas. Yes, it’s that good. Calling it awful is an insult to awful products everywhere. I’ll spare you the details, but with less than a week before launching FU.com (and really, that’s why I get paid the big bucks, coming up with catchy domain names) it became painfully evident that PHPCow was a lot more like PHPBubonicPlagueRottingCowCorpse.
That led to a frenzied weekend of coding and moving the new site to a different framework, Big Medium, created by the insanely talented Josh Clark.
The brain surgeons behind PHPCow claim they don’t offer refunds, but I plan on demanding one, which should be entertaining in its own right.
Anyhow, that’s where I’ve been for the last week or so. No radio show tomorrow, I need to catch up on my other work. And I’ll be out at the RPG range, uh talking to some cows.